In valleys, over passes, and through forests of the Canadian Rockies I followed big paw tracks, and big paw tracks that overlapped, grizzles, and I stepped over their large piles of shit, sometimes still warm.
It’s at once perverse and invigorating when you’re alone next to a large pile of steamy bear shit. You’ve spent most of your life being at the top of the food chain, but not here, The Griz runs The Biz. But you know why I saw it’s shit and not it? Because I sang “Rhythm is Going to Get You” by Gloria Estefan as loud as I could, and the bear(s) ran away.
I chose not to carry bear spray because I talked to my guru who doesn’t use it, and it’s heavy, and its just made some angry bears angrier, and didn’t stop them from attacking.
Gloria Estefan fucking worked though. So did HAY BARE, Heyeeeee Beeeeeeer, I want a Beeeeeer Deeeeeaaarrrryyyyyy, BUDDHA!!!! HAY BUDDHA, Ruff, Ruff, CAW, EeeeeeYAH, and so forth.
I did this everyday. I yelled sometimes so much I couldn’t yell by the end of the day. Combine that with hungryemptydrool brain and I just felt like “Fuck it, take me.” But the bears and I never bothered each other.